"better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." -- cyril connolly

this past week marks the one year anniversary of our time in st. louis.
one year ago, we rolled into town, 30 minutes before the housing office closed, and got our keys. we walked up to our apartment. tayte laid on the floor (it was very open), and i realized how homesick i was. then we went down to our huge, completely full moving truck and started moving boxes, and i realized how sick sick i was. (okay, i wasn't that sick--just dizzy. but i was worried that i would pass out) thankfully tayte had met a guy during interviews that offered to help us move in, so he and tayte moved the rest of our stuff upstairs (why do we have so much stuff??). after it was all upstairs, tayte drove to the ghetto to get wendys, and i fell asleep on the carpet. when he came back, we dried the sweat off our leather couches, ate dinner, then went to sleep.

and here we are, one year later. i mean, it definitely feels like we've been here longer, but we've been through a lot. we've tried all the "typical st. louis things." we've travelled. we got a cat. we bought a house. we've mopped up the water that leaks into our basement when there are freak rainstorms. we bought a rug. we've had house guests. we've done yard work. and we went to ikea.

we've really enjoyed living in st. louis. to be honest, there are times when i'm a little afraid because of stuff that goes on around us. and sometimes i really hate living so far away from family because we miss out on a lot of things. and these summers are literally the worst. but at the end of the day, we have each other, and i know we're supposed to be here.

and that's all that matters.

"imagination is more important than knowledge..." -- albert einstein

we're watching our friends' dog while they're out of town for a couple days. well, "watching" is kind of a loose term. i wake up at 6...ish, fumble around in the living room for a little bit, trying to ward off louisa who has randomly decided to bite my feet, drive over to their house, and let the dog out. then, around 9:30 or 10 that night (depending on the weather), tayte and i drive over there to let him in and feed him. (tayte hasn't been feeling well, and he feels the worst in the morning, which is why i do the morning part on my own. his sickness has been going on for "a while.") when i get home, i have a choice to make. i could start my day, and since it's around 6:30 i could get a lot of stuff done. or i could curl up on the couch, and since it's around 6:30 i could get a lot more sleep in. i'll let you guess which one i choose.
there was at least one morning where The Kitty let me sleep peacefully. she even came and snuggled by me. ok it was exactly one morning. all the other mornings, she's decided that it's time to make all the noise she can. so she chases those stupid little plastic balls with the bells inside or she chases her tail while on her cat tower so she falls off or she comes up and meows in my face and when she decides that i'm going to ignore her, she toots in my face as she walks away. (that last one doesn't make any noise, but it's still detrimental to my senses.)
long story short: after letting the dog out, i spend a couple hours going in and out of sleep, all thanks to The Kitty, before my sweet husband comes to me, belting a random song at the top of his lungs and sits on me. #charming
ANYWAY.
yesterday morning, i vaguely remember hearing louisa struggling in her litter box. (i should probably give a bit of background: louisa's litter box has a cover on it, which she takes full advantage of. she wipes her paws all along every side after she poops, like a lady.) i'm not even sure struggling is the right word. i could just hear banging and other weird noises. but it didn't really bother me, because i saw her a few seconds later doing her little booty scoot across my carpet, like a lady. i also have a vague recollection of her pawing and clawing at the carpet right where she had scooted her little booty. i was kind of concerned, but that lasted for about 3 seconds before i fell asleep.
tayte came out and serenaded me and then went to take a shower, and i fell back asleep.
i woke up to him yelling "why is there poop all over the floor??"
i'll leave it up to your imagination as to what happened next. (in case you don't have an imagination, here's what happened: there was poop all over the floor and we had to clean it up.)

i'm pretty sure at some point, tayte picked her up (or at least would have) and yelled "ICH. SPRECHE. KEIN. DEUTSCH." you see, he is still obsessed with all things german, and believes that she will listen to him yell in german (because if you aren't yelling, are you even speaking german?). she doesn't. but probably because the above phrase literally means "i speak no german." #aforeffort

i can't think of any other things that have happened. except louisa just caught sight of some birds outside and she's doing her chattering thing. man i love that little thing.

“live life to the fullest, and focus on the positive.” – matt cameron

i can’t believe it’s already mid-march!
i’m in denial, actually.
buuut i guess now would be the proper time for our quarterly updates.

tayte
he is still the forever-a-student breadwinner. he is trying to figure out his lab situation, but he rocks his classes without blinking an eye. his hair is in the awkward can’t-quite-put-it-behind-his-ears-and-is-always-in-his-eyes phase. he also can’t handle the fly-aways. in a severely flabbergasted state, he turned to me and said “i think i should just go get it cut.” like the supporting wife i am, i reminded him of my insane ability to convince anyone to do anything (i never ditched a college class alone). i asked which side of the issue he was leaning towards (pro-choice or pro-length)…and we still have a man-bun-in-the-works situation over here. (yes, you read that correctly. i convinced him to keep growing it out. i don’t know why i did that. i hadn’t had my breakfast yet) but long hair or not, he’s still pretty good lookin!

louisa
you know that should-be adage “you buy your children toys and they play with the boxes?” yeah well…story of our lives. sometimes i’m afraid people will show up unannounced and think that we are the laziest, sloppiest people ever because there’s trash on the floor. i swear it’s just for the kitty. she loves plastic grocery sacks and paper bags and bread ties and boxes and 2-liter soda bottles… (i mean, we do clean it up. we just throw our garbage on the floor first and let her play with it, then it goes in the garbage can) we’ve also recently discovered her mean streak, but i still think she’s the cutest “little” (the vet told me she’s fat) thing.

tens
i was recently called to be the YW president in our branch. it’s been a crazy few weeks, especially since it feels like it’s been a lot longer than that. people keep telling me that i’m doing a great job, so i must be good at pretending! my testimony has grown so much as i’ve seen the Lord’s hand in things that i’ve done or said as part of this calling. it is so true that He qualifies those He calls! i also have begun reading again. i reread all the harry potter books because i’d never read the seventh, and i wanted to do it right. turns out i had never read the sixth either. i set a new years resolution to read more and even printed out a book list to give me ideas. i guess i thought that i had to do it all within the first month or so, because i feel like i’ve been frantically reading through books. but it’s been awesome. i love reading and the library is my enabler.

over all, nothing has really changed. tayte and i still like each other, and The Entitled One still loves her cat tower and tolerates us. i love my little family.


oh and if you’re wondering if we do march madness…ha. do we. we each have 3 brackets (serious, based on mascot, based on colors/logo). we only really care about the “serious” bracket, but we still count the others. and last we updated, we were tied. (spoiler alert: tayte had michigan state going all the way. silly tayte)

“grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete.” – marcy demaree

my siblings all chipped in to fly tayte and i home for christmas. we were able to spend two weeks in arizona and a week in utah. it was a blast, although we missed The Furball.

the sunday before we flew to utah (january 3rd), we visited grandma bonnie (mom’s mom) in the hospital. her health had been slowly declining over the past months, and she was in the hospital. she didn’t say much. as we visited with mary (mom’s sister), i sat there and just held her hand. she would squeeze my hand occasionally, and when we left, she thanked me for coming to see her. she told me she loved me.

two weeks ago this monday, i got a call from my dad, giving me an update on grandma bonnie. she had been in the hospital for quite a while at this point, and she had been through a roller coaster, health wise.

he was calling to let me know that she had made the decision that it was time for her to go Home.

he wasn’t sure how much longer she would last, but it could be quite a few days, and that i should start planning to come to arizona for the funeral. my mom was fairly confident that the funeral wouldn’t be for a couple weekends, but i had a feeling it would come a lot sooner than she was expecting. (on an unrelated note, i had to speak in church that upcoming sunday)

i was given the opportunity to talk to grandma on the phone one last time that night. i was able to tell her again how much i loved her and thank her for her amazing example and let her know how much i’d miss her. i got to hear her tell me she loved me one last time. i told her to give grandpa a big hug for me, and she reassured me that she definitely would.

as i hung up the phone, there were tears streaming down my face. tayte came and held me as i cried, and The Kitty just meowed for more food. we talked about how much of a blessing this was. she was in so much pain, and her sweetheart had been gone for so many years, but now she would be free—free to hug her parents, free to dance and laugh with grandpa, and free to get right back to work, sharing her testimony with those on the other side.

it was so fun to be in town for the FUNeral. it was basically a big party that lasted for 3 days straight. for the family reunion that was in november, i compiled a list of all of grandma’s posterity, and there are 253 of us and counting! and almost all of us were there. the funeral was a perfect commemoration of the woman that she was.

as i listened to all the different memories being shared, i kept thinking about all the ones i had with grandma. i kept getting the feeling that i should write them down before i forget, and i figured some others might want to read them. so here we go.

this is my own tribute to my grandmother, bonnie. (caution: it’s pretty really long.)

first and foremost, she was there. she was at my wedding, she was at my bridal shower, she was there when i went through the temple for the first time, she was there when i got baptized, and i’m pretty sure she was at 98% of my birthday parties growing up. it meant so much to me to have her there, supporting me, at all those important (and less important) events in my life. as time went by, it became harder for her to get out and go places, making her appearances that much more special.
and then there are the traditions that i wasn’t always excited about (#teenagers), but grew to love. memorial day, when she would share a few words, we would clean off a few headstones, and we would try to find all our family. then she would treat us to breakfast at JB’s. (note: this changed to golden corral, but i haven’t ever been in town since that change took place.)

also, every year we went caroling with grandma. she would make all these treats, and we would walk around her neighborhood, caroling and giving treats to her neighbors. she loved everyone, and she enjoyed serving them. then, after caroling was over, she would pull us into the house, one family at a time, and give us money. of course, once we got married, we were booted out of that system. (which still doesn’t make sense to me…)

there are also those random memories that will always make me laugh:
—while talking to her about getting her books so she could reteach herself math, she asked me how i like the “common core.” i told her my honest opinion: it’s not perfect and it has some advantages, but they tell me to teach it so i do. she looked me square in the face and said “that’s what the nazis said.”
—a year or so ago, i was visiting her, and the topic turned to me having children. she told me about one of her sisters that got married and started having kids right away and then suddenly wasn’t able to have anymore later in life. she said her sister was so grateful, because “you just never know…” #subtle
—i was eating lunch with her one day, back when i was probably 10, and she was asking me if there was anything i didn’t like. as any respectable 10-year-old, i didn’t like tomatoes, spinach, broccoli, peas, etc. she was so surprised and cut off my list with a “well! you just don’t like anything, do you?”
—my cousin stacie and i were driving with her one day (we were probably 12 or so), and we were just laughing at every little thing she said. she was probably so annoyed at us. she turned down one road because she thought the distance would be shorter and that we’d save some gas. as it turned out, we had to come all the way back and go a different way. as we were driving back, she muttered “well, we didn’t save any gas…”
—she came to visit us in puerto rico. we decided to drive somewhere, and one of the senior couples wanted to go with us. so bret and i drove one car, and grandma rode with them in the other. i realized that they were going to go one way, but that i knew another way. i can still remember the look on grandma’s face as we drove past them: absolute horror as she flipped her head violently back and forth. she was so concerned for our safety.

grandma’s house. for starters, i don’t think i walked into her house through the front door until i was at least 15. we always went in through the garage, to the back patio, and in the front door. i would always look to my right and see her backyard that stretched all the way to university. there was that ridiculously old swing set, with the rubber handles that had once been taped but were now just sticky. there were all her trees that we would pick fruit from. there was her big walk-in freezer that i was always afraid to get locked into.
once inside, you were in the Deer Head room. there were 3 deer heads on the back wall, and i was always a little scared to go back there by myself if it was dark. she kept the toys in that room. my favorite part was that door to the kitchen that whenever we played, had the top half open. that’s also the room where she kept her gong. if i’m not mistaken, that’s also where she had a picture of  john wayne. #heartthrob
there was the Back Back Room, now known as her Genealogy Room. it had her big computer and all the books and stuff. when i was younger, i saw a big, nasty cockroach, dead on the floor. i tried to never go back there ever again.
there was the kitchen, with the jar of ginger snaps. my dad would always take a few, but we never found out if they were crunchy because they were ginger snaps, or if they were crunchy because they were old.
there was her family room, with that high shelf that went all the way around that was filled with trinkets from her different travels. that’s where the Liahona was. this room was where she kept all the christmas cards and family pictures throughout the years. it was also in this room that i watched all the shirley temple movies, as well as the court jester and the kid from brooklyn. there was the globe, where every time we visited, we would give it a good spin and put our finger on it. wherever our finger was when the globe stopped was where we would serve our mission. … we got a lot of calls to preach the gospel to the sharks.
then there was the Doll Area. grandma collected dolls, and she had a big glass case of them. she also had quite a few American Girl dolls, complete with tons of accessories. i loved playing back there.
then there was her living room. her baby grand was there, along with that huge russian stacking doll that was missing the second-to-last piece because it got vacuumed up. during christmas time, that room was filled with nativities. i loved looking at them all.

grandma was also very thoughtful. she thought about us and what we liked and tried to give us gifts based on that. one year, bret got a drumset, i got a flute from china, and my mom got a coin purse.
there was another year that my mom opened her gift from grandma, and it was a tassel. and we had no idea what to do with it. but we knew she would come over later, so we had to put it out somewhere! someone suggested that we put it on the christmas tree, and i’m pretty sure it either ended up there or on the back of a chair. (note: you can use tassels to tie back drapes.)

there were six girl cousins all born in the same year, me being the youngest. grandma made us all matching dresses and we had our picture taken. that’s one of my fondest memories…even though rachel was so sick and i only have one picture where she isn’t making a sick face. …and even though grandpa told me i didn’t have to wear my socks if i didn’t want to, and when i didn’t, my mom got super upset at me.

whenever i went to visit grandma, i always tried to wear my hair down and curly, because she loved it. she would always tell me how beautiful my curly hair was. (now, this may seem like i had selfish motives. which i kinda did. anyone with curly hair knows that you’ll take all the compliments you can get.) she gave me one of her precious dolls that she thought looked like me, thanks to all the curls.

my favorite thing about this remarkable woman was that she loved me. she had 10 children, 10 in-laws, 64 other grandchildren, 123 (and counting) great-grandchildren, and so many more…but she always took the time (sometimes it was 30 seconds, sometimes it was 30 minutes), to talk to me. to ask me how i was doing, to tell me she was glad to see me, to tell me that she loved me. amidst all the chaos of having an enormous family, i never once felt lost in a crowd. i knew i was so important to her (even though i apparently hated everything she grew in her garden).

this woman led an incredible life. she made lots of caramel, served lots of people, and touched lots of lives. i am so grateful that my life was one of those. she left behind an amazing legacy of hard work, love, family, service, living the Gospel, and enduring to the end. i hope to one day be at least half the woman that she was.

i love you, grandma. #missingthebun

“racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball…and it’ll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles an hour.” – brian regan

i’m a dog person. i’ve always wanted a puppy, and i never wanted a cat. mostly because i hated cats. but we had some friends that got a kitten, and she was pretty cute, and they convinced us to at least consider getting a cat.

so we considered it. we thought about it. we talked about it. and one day, i was bored so i pulled up the humane society website and looked at the kittens they had for adoption. i fell in love and we went the next day and adopted a kitten.

quick note: it had to be a kitten. i had to get it when it was cute and irresistible and watch it grow, or i would have hated it.

we struggled to find a name for her, but we finally settled on one: louisa. louisa is a german name, and we’re currently obsessed with germany (on account of tayte’s internship and my favorite book being the book thief). louisa is also the feminine form of the name louis, and we happen to be living in st. louis. it’s perfect, really.

because i’m currently obsessed with her, i’m gonna tell you all about her. it’s my right as a new parent. now, please refrain from saying things like “that’s a cat thing” or “my kids do that” or “sounds like my husband.” just let me have this one.

she was born on july 4, 2015, and she’s a domestic, short-haired, white and red tabby. she purrs constantly; as in, her body is constantly vibrating, except for when she’s fast asleep. she has an insatiable curiosity and better hearing than me (that’s saying something—just ask my former students). even if she’s fast asleep, she’ll jerk awake whenever the door to our complex downstairs opens. she loves playing with whatever is behind the oven, but she hates the water that gets sprayed in her face every time she does. she is constantly testing her own limits (as well as ours) and she learns new things every day—mostly she just finds new things she can jump onto or get into. even though i’m annoyed, i’m proud of her for trying new things, even when she misjudges and lands on her face or hits a leg as she falls. all i know is that if i were to get hit as hard as she does going as fast as she does, i would be out for the count. she’s one tough kitty.

she loves pens. she likes pencils too, but mostly pens. she likes to push them around on tables, and then push them off. we’ve learned that no matter where she is in the apartment or what she’s doing, if we click a pen she will literally come running. she’ll wait until we throw it (and we actually have to throw it. we can’t fake it like we would with a dog—she’ll just stare at us until we actually throw it), then she’ll attack it, picking it up in her paws and biting it. she’s kind of a spaz. we should probably be more afraid that she’ll poke her eye out one day, but it’s so entertaining. downside: we’ve lost so many pens to the under-the-couch, out-of-the-cat’s-reach area. we were skyping my mom and brother today, and my brother got a pen and clicked it, and she instantly perked up and started looking for it, just like she does here. she kept walking at the computer screen and looking behind it (she’s only a baby, we can’t expect her to understand technology), looking for the pen she heard.

she has a serious FOMO (fear of missing out). i can’t get anything done. even if she’s happily playing with something, she’ll saunter over and try to get in on whatever i’m doing. earlier today, i got her playing with a pen of her own, then tried to write some stuff down, but she saw me writing with a pen and came over to get it from me. if i’m on my computer, she’ll get in my face, or walk on the keyboard, or constantly play with bite the cord. i can’t even distract her with a pen! if we’re sitting at the table eating, she’ll jump on our laps, (sometimes from lap to lap), and try to get on the table. if i’m standing at the table, working on something, she’ll jump on a chair and reach out her paw to get my leg (although that will probably stop, now that she knows she can get onto the table). anytime i walk anywhere, she runs as fast as she can in the exact direction i’m going, or at least in the direction she thinks i’m going. after accidentally kicking her in the face for the 12 billionth time, i’ve learned to take a step, then wait for a minute for her to whiz by. the other night, we were going to bed. tayte looked around for her, saw her all the way across the room, turned off the light, took two steps, and stepped on her.

her favorite things are naps, and they’re my favorite too, obviously. but lest you think that i wait for her to fall asleep then get all crazy and productive, let me set the record straight. when she gets tired, she’ll come and climb up in my lap, give herself a quick bath, then fall asleep. i know i should keep her up for as much of the day as possible so that she’ll sleep when we do, but i can’t bring myself to do it. she’s just so dang cute, sleeping there in my lap. so i just sleep with her. man. it’s therapeutic.

and oh how i love her little meow. i mean, sometimes when i hear it, i wish it weren’t 3 in the morning, but i still absolutely love it. it just tugs on my heartstrings in all kinds of ways. if we’re trying to lock her out of our room at night, her little meows break my heart. but if she just woke up from a nap and she looks up at me and meows, it melts my heart.

i’ve had some heartbreak recently, and there’s a little hole in my heart. at first, i thought this little kitty was starting to fill that hole, just a little. but today, i realized that she’s more like a band-aid on my heart. not the wimpy ones that lose their stick if you look at them too many times. more like the ones whose fibers meld themselves together and you can’t get the band-aid off.

ok bad analogy.

the point is, she is exactly what i needed. this little thing has helped me get over that last hurdle of pain, and i’m able to look to the future instead of dwelling on what could or should have been. it’s amazing that something so tiny has had such a profound impact on me. even though i can already sense her true cat coming out (meaning she is becoming indifferent to us at times), there are still those moments where she’ll come up to me (instead of tayte—she likes me more and we both know it) and meow to get my attention. she still wants me around, and she likes me. that’s my favorite part. i don’t think she likes us as much as we like her, but i don’t even care. i love this kitty.

the first few nights, we left our door open, so she could come and go as she pleased (don’t worry—we’re smarter now). there were multiple times when i would wake up to see her walking up to my face, meow-ing. and i was surprised to find myself smiling and legitimately, honestly happy to see her. i wasn’t even in the least bit annoyed that i was awake. and there were times when, as we all drifted off to sleep, tayte would be holding me, and i would be holding louisa, and i realized that i just love this little family of mine. for those 5 seconds of consciousness, i was so grateful for my loving husband and for this sweet little soul that has brought so much happiness to us.

so yeah. i guess you could say i’m a cat person now too.

“i don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.” – robert brault

with halloween coming up, i figured that a few confessions were in order.

here’s the thing: i HATE halloween.

i mean, yeah i love candy and trunk/trick-or-treating and my sister-in-law who was born on halloween and cute costumes and some parties and stuff. the cutesy part of halloween.

but i HATE halloween.

why? allow me to shed some light on the subject. (a million points to anyone that can name that reference without looking it up)

some of my earliest memories involve me waking up in the middle of the night, being scared, and not being able to sleep until i woke my mom up and had her come lay somewhere in my room, usually on the floor by my door. i always had to have my closet door shut when i went to sleep. one time, i woke up and thought there was a man in my room. i cried loudly until brad came in and turned on the light. turns out, it was just my lamp. i also went through a phase where i thought that captain hook would come into my room at night (thank you, hook), and if anything except my head was showing outside of the covers, he would cut it off.

i have a very vivid imagination. anyway. don’t think i hate halloween because i got scared as a child, because who didn’t? but i think i’m getting ahead of myself…

rewind all the way back to elementary school, maybe junior high. i was at natasha butler’s house, two doors down. we were having a halloween party. it was all fun and games (literally) until they announced the next activity: putting our hands in containers and guessing what the items were. i think we were choosing from a list, like a brain or intestines or eyeballs, etc. (of course, the food was just cold, wet spaghetti or peeled grapes, etc.) i started panicking. my heart started racing. i couldn’t do it. i wouldn’t do it. i told them that i wasn’t feeling too well, and i was worried about throwing up. natasha looked me in the eye and said, “tenery, it’s just food.” didn’t matter. i was too scared.

fast forward a bit (but not too much). i was at my brother’s house with my dad, and they decided to watch the fugitive. premise: harrison ford gets busted for killing his wife, but he claims that he was framed (i think.) the movie starts with his wife getting attacked, and then she calls the police and reports the attack. her voice was all scratchy, and it scared me so much i had to have my dad take me home! yes, you read that correctly. i got so scared by the sound of someone’s voice that i had to leave the room. (a couple months ago, i saw the fugitive on netflix, and decided that i needed to face my fears. i was home alone, and i started watching it…aaaand turned it off before she even started saying stuff. i was too scared)

fast forward just a couple years to j.r.’s birthday. we went laser tagging. i had never been before, but my brothers had raved about it, and i was so excited. we went into the room where they debrief you before you go get your vest. the walls were covered in the neon artwork that glowed with the black lights. there were all sorts of creatures and it freaked me out. i made craig take me out. he tried talking me back into going in, but i couldn’t. i was too scared.
note: i love laser tagging. it took some time, but i love it.

fast forward a few more years. i was at byu, and i got asked out on a date by one of my dad’s former assistants (not exactly crucial to the story, but a fun tidbit). we were going to frightmares at lagoon. if you don’t know, lagoon is an amusement park in utah. it’s a family place, so they can’t make frightmares too scary or creepy. they had a haunted maze thing. this was the first haunted anything i’d ever been in, and i was terrified. but here’s the thing: it really wasn’t even scary. it was just weird, like circus weird. the people that would jump out in a normal haunted house were just walking around. the lighting was weird, and i think there was a strobe light. seriously. not. even. scary. but i held on to my date like my life depended on it. because to me, it did. because i was so freaking scared.

fast forward a little more time. i was still at byu and craig called to invite me to go see a movie with him, dan, and justin. when i got in the car, justin told me they had changed their mind and we were going to a haunted house instead. i started panicking. my heart started racing. i told them that i refused and that they had to take me back home right. now. justin just laughed and laughed and kept saying it over and over. i looked at craig and demanded that he stop the car. i would walk home. he informed me that justin was full of it. we were indeed going to the movies. but man. i about had a heart-attack.

fast forward a couple more years. tayte’s brother invited us to go to lagoon with them. (his work was having some kind of summer work party.) we just hung out with kids, going on rides with them. one of my nephews informed me that his favorite ride was the haunted house ride. (not at all related to frightmares) i panicked a little bit. my heart rate picked up. i just kept telling myself that he’s 6, so how bad can it be? we went on that ride together, and you know? it really wasn’t that bad.

the other day, i saw that ellen had reposted a video of one of when she made one of her employees (a guy) accompany another employee (a girl) to a walking dead haunted house. the video was pretty funny because the guy was so scared and was hiding behind the girl almost the entire time, but i had to stop watching it because the movie was freaking me out.

i could go on and on and on, but i think you catch my drift. i get scared so easily. it’s kind of pathetic actually. i’ve seen like 4 “scary movies,” and i hated every second of them. a friend explained why i’m such a freaking scaredy-cat. i don’t know how legit this explanation is, but i’ve stuck with it. we have this switch in our brain that allows us to see stuff on tv or on movies and know that it isn’t real. my switch doesn’t work all that well. not that i watch stuff and think that ghosts are real or that my house is haunted or anything. it has something to do with my subconscious…

translation: i am a huge wuss.

i’m also super jumpy, which just makes things worse.

that’s why i hate halloween. i swear every decoration jumps out at you or cackles when you walk past it, and some people dress up as horrid, creepy things. because it’s what you do on halloween. i do recognize that there are plenty of cute and clever costumes and i’m excited to live somewhere where kids will come trick-or-treating so i can see their cute costumes. but still.

my name is tenery campbell, and i hate halloween.

because i’m afraid of it.

“we all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.” – harrison ford

here’s a little update from the past two months.
after our awesome once-in-a-lifetime europe trip, we loaded all of our belongings into a big moving truck (a 16-footer, to be exact), secured our car onto the trailer behind it, and began the long drive to our new home: st. louis, missouri.
i was super worried about making that drive with that huge, over-20-feet load, especially since we were both dog-tired from our gallivanting and things. but it was a breeze. i mean, it still took 20ish hours, but we made it there safe and sound. we stopped for the night, and nobody broke into our truck or car (and if they did, we haven’t missed what they took). i stayed awake for pretty much the whole trip, which is a miracle. (i literally always fall asleep and stay that way for the majority of any long road trip. ask tayte.) i talked to tayte, gave him snacks, read him books, and made sure we found good music to play. tayte talked back, ate the snacks, and stayed awake the whole time. needless to say, we were very happy to finally get there and get out of the dang truck.
but then, we were in a new place, with a truckload full of stuff, and a second floor apartment. we started unloading, and i realized that i wasn’t feeling well and would get light-headed from just walking up those dang stairs (this isn’t a going-to-the-bathroom-to-get-out-of-doing-the-dishes moment. it was legit). i felt bad, but i knew that if i passed out, this would be a whole different situation, so tayte made me sit there, sipping water, because he would need me for the big stuff.
thankfully, tayte had a friend that he met when he came for interviews that he was messaging that had offered to come help us move in. he was a short skinny guy, but he and tayte were able to get everything up. we were so grateful to him, because we literally wouldn’t have been able to do it without him.
after all that, all that travel and all that stress and no sleep caught up with us. we both got sick. tayte started classes and rotations. he only has a couple classes each week, but that gives him lots of time to spend in the labs. he has to rotate in at least 3 labs before he can pick the one he wants to do the rest of his program in. he’s in his second lab now, and he really likes this one. but he’s really enjoying the research and he’s really enjoying his classes. he’s very dedicated and works hard and it pays off. he has done really well in them so far, and i’m very very proud of him.
as for me, i unpacked as much as i was going to (we won’t be here for very long, so there was no point in unpacking everything. most of it is still in boxes in our back room), and tried to get us all settled in this new place. then some health issues set in and i’ve pretty much been dealing with them since. so i’ve been keeping house and trying to get back on my feet. i’m doing fine, and i think i’m over it, but we’ll see.
anyway.
about st. louis.
here’s the thing. this city is awesome. we really like it. we live pretty close to campus, and we live really close to a street called the loop. it’s kinda like center street in provo. it has some tasty restaurants and it has the st. louis walk of fame. it’s cool.
here’s the other thing. this city is great for families (shameless plug to get some visitors). we’ve been pretty touristy since we got here, and we’ve got a pretty good list of stuff to do if/when people come to visit. we’ve been to good restaurants, the zoo (free and awesome), the art museum (free and pretty cool), the science center (free and awesome), and the arch (not free but still awesome). there’s so much to see and do here, and we’ve been having a lot of fun.
we attend a branch with about 40 or 50 regulars. it’s the smallest branch we’ve ever lived in (except the one in jena, germany). the people are super nice and very welcoming. there’s a lot of work to do in the branch, and we’re excited to work hard until we move.
i think that about sums it up. i really want to be better at updating this because now, we’re so far away from everything and everyone we know, and i want to have a good record of our experiences.

i won’t do this every time i post anything, but i would like to chat a minute about tayte. we’ve had to rely on each other a lot since coming here, because we’re all we have. we are starting to make friends (we have another couple friend from our branch that we’d consider hanging out with), but we still do and go through everything together. we’ve already had some big trials in the last couple months, and being so far away from family made them worse. but he’s been my rock through them, and we’ve grown together. we’ve learned that no matter what happens, we have each other and that’s what matters. i swear i’m not quoting some country song—it’s the truth. we’re both so far from perfect, but we get a little closer each day. as i think back to even just 5 years ago, it’s obvious that i’m a better person because he’s in my life. tayte is my best friend, and i’m so grateful to have him for eternity.

all the sap. all the feels.

ugh.

“i feel very strongly that change is good because it stirs up the system.” – ann richards

highlights from my life since i blogged last:

• finished first year of teaching
• packed/cleaned and moved out of our apartment
• joined tayte in germany

a couple of thoughts about each of those things.

• finished first year of teaching

wow.
i often noticed that some days or even weeks seemed to drag on for about an eternity, but time flew by. that did not feel like a whole school year. and i know i’ve already talked a lot about my school, but it was the best! if i could, i would stay there for the rest of my teaching career. it was a hard population as far as students go, but i really liked {most} of them. (i think i only had 2 or 3 that i actually disliked) i had the best math department i could have asked for and i made some really good friends while i was there. i will really miss that place.
i didn’t think i had really learned that much or that i really had any strong opinions about how to run a classroom or how to treat students/other teachers. but one of my coworkers asked if i would have dinner with her and her daughter. her daughter was about to start her first year as a math teacher, and my coworker thought it would be good to get some pointers from someone who had just gone through that. i was more than happy to oblige, but i was  and worried i wouldn’t have a thing to say because i didn’t feel any different than i had at the beginning of the year.
boy, was i wrong.
i had so much to say! i really had learned a lot of things and i knew what would and would not work for me in my classroom. i was so grateful for that opportunity to open up and share all those things because it showed me my own growth! here are some examples:

• collaboration is KEY. i feel bad when i hear about teachers that don’t work together. i had a successful first year of teaching (translation: i didn’t give up) because of the teachers i had to work with. not only was i able to get lesson plans from them (which was amazing, by the way), but i was able to go to them for anything and everything. i knew that for 20-30 minutes sometime after school was my vent time. the other new teacher (she was older than me, so she wasn’t as immature, but it was her first year too) would find another of the math teachers that was free and we would just talk about our day. you have to have mental as well as academic collaboration!!
• let your students see you. teachers don’t have perfect lives. teachers have bad days. teachers aren’t always happy. more often than not, teachers speak bluntly and say stuff they don’t mean. but that’s ok. your students won’t treat you like a person unless they see you as one (and even that isn’t a guarantee). one of the best things a student told me was that i treat my students like people, not like students. crap happens in everyone’s life, and sometimes, my math class is not their top priority (it really never is). i get it. my favorite moments in that first year weren’t when i was teaching a hard concept and everyone understood or when i had a perfect lesson (neither of those things ever happened. i wish i was joking). it was when i pulled off my professional, teacher face, sat down on top of a desk at the front of the room, and talked to my students about life. i told them some of my opinions about the world, which i probably shouldn’t have told them as their teacher, but i wanted to be honest. i obviously couldn’t do that every class period, and usually not even every week. but it’s important to not stop that from happening. (it also happened to be the only time when everyone was truly listening, which was a bonus. everyone, that is, except the kids that were already asleep.)
• even if you only reach one student (literally one. like uno. as in, not two), it’s totally worth it. at the end of this year, i wasn’t as satisfied as i thought i would be. this made me question whether or not teaching was really my calling. (that scared me, because i became a teacher because i couldn’t do anything else) but then one of my students brought in a poster to me before school, and she had written me this note that pretty much took up the entire poster (that is not an exaggeration). she thanked me for all i had done and for being the best teacher she had ever had since kindergarten. she was so sweet and genuine, and in that moment, i realized that i couldn’t allow myself to do anything else. she was one student, but that was all i needed.

i could probably go on and talk about phones and how i hate it when students talk in my class, but i won’t go there.

• packed/cleaned and moved out of our apartment

tayte left for germany at the beginning of may, and i still had 4 weeks of school left. that was an amazing distraction. i didn’t realize it at the time, but as soon as school got out and i had all day every day for 2 more weeks to myself, i knew i would have gone insane. so after school got out, i busied myself with packing. (we had to pack all our stuff and move it to tayte’s parents’ basement, where it would stay until we got back from germany, then move it all to st. louis) and by that i mean that i played and frantically packed everything up in the last 3 days. my cousin got married, which pushed my deadline for packing stuff up a few days (which was good). tayte’s parents and brothers came and helped me move and finish cleaning. (clarification: the boys moved the boxes, the women cleaned) i literally could not have done it without them, and i’m so grateful for their help. i have the best in-laws i could have ever asked for!

• joined tayte in germany

so i officially moved out of my apartment and into campbell hq on a saturday, and i flew out on a monday to join my dearly beloved in the land of the germans.
i’ve taken over tayte’s blogging since i officially have nothing else to do, so i’ll be posting regularly on his blog about our adventures and such: taytecampbell.blogspot.com
feel free to check it out.
*in case the above url doesn’t work (which it should), try this one: taytecampbell.blogspot.de

"insane people are always sure that they are fine. it is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." -- nora ephron

as i sit here, typing, i’m still not sure what i should even say, or what will come out.

but that’s half the fun, right?

before i really get into the nitty gritties, i should probably clear up a few things (one, to be exact)

reason for my blogging hiatus: lack of a working computer and lack of time.

now that we have all that cleared up…

let’s see. what has happened since the last time we were together?

oh yeah.

i got a job. (aka: i am now the breadwinner as well as tayte's sugar mama. and proud of it)

also we moved to murray.

we miss our friends in provo, but so far this move has been a good thing. we have really enjoyed the change of scenery, as well as the opportunity to seriously consider getting ferrets. (like, as pets). maybe a cat. we’re just really happy where we are. tayte loves the feeling of having a place in our new ward (especially in the nursery—not a joke), and he is also obsessed with the open space in our apartment. i love our apartment too, especially now that everything has dried and the pictures have been hung and we feel like we have officially moved in. we love living closer to tayte's familia. and to top it all off, our neighbors across the street are relatively quiet, which is always appreciated.

note: we live across the street from the murray cemetery.

tayte’s research is going swimmingly. he still looks at dirt, and he still loves it. and he’s gonna graduate in april, and that’s about all I know.

note #2: on a quick pitstop or some gas on our way home from san diego, i got locked in craig’s car, and i had no idea how to get out. that is not a joke.

i absolutely love my job. it is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life (including cutting bread and taking hot things out of the oven), but it is the most rewarding. and no, my new job is not motherhood. although in a weird way, it kind of is. i teach math to high schoolers. they can’t wait to come to my class so they can learn math, which is their favorite subject, and they are always quiet and respectful and they never use snapchat during class and i love every one of them every day and i never yell or get upset.

ha.

but i really do love it. only one time ever since i started my student teaching have i woken up and not wanted to go and teach, and that was after an inexplicably hard day that left me feeling like a total failure. thankfully i was able to get over that. i’m excited to go and see those hooligans every single day.

don’t worry. i don’t get it either.

note #3: yes, i am human and i would rather stay in bed forever then get out of bed and do anything else. i literally have to force myself to get out of bed every morning. it's actually kind of pathetic.

you may think that i'm crazy. you may be turning to the person next to you, saying "you tell her. someone has to tell her."

and you'd be right.

crazy doesn't even begin to cover it.

i’m just excited to get better. i have really good days, really bad days, and a lot of days in between. when i have really good days, it gives me a glimpse of what i can be, and it makes me giddy. (the use of that word is not an exaggeration. it really isn’t) i feel a sense of pride whenever i talk to my principal and he tells me how good i’m doing, even though it’s my first year and that he doesn't want to see me go.

description of this principal character: a perfect mix of my dad (picks on me whenever he can, especially if it’s about the cougars) and dick van dyke (ridiculously tall and full head of white hair. also he’s funny), with a hint of a grandpa (not necessarily because he’s old, he’s just friendly and you can’t help but like him)

anywho, i really do feel like i get better every day. i have learned what does and doesn't work for me and for my students. i have great coworkers that answer all my questions (i think they feel like they have to ever since they found out that they have daughters that are my age. something about motherly instincts)

i have about million and a half stories of students and the things they've said and done. i won’t share them all right here, right now—i’ll write a book someday. but here is the best one yet. this wasn't said to my face, but a teacher I eat lunch with told me all about it. Apparently she was talking about me to some of her students, and one of the students said, “mrs. Campbell...she can be a b****, but she’s the coolest teacher.” i was on cloud 9 for the rest of the day.

you may think that’s a weird compliment and that i should be offended. or at least shouldn't be as pleased about that. 

and you would be right. 

but it must be a high school teacher thing, because it took a really long time to wipe that smile off my face.

i keep adding to this, and i think i should just post it. 

it does seem appropriate that i post it on brigham’s birthday.

brigham (brig-um), n: one of my nephews, the only person that checks this blog with ridiculous frequency.

happy birthday, brigham. may your day be filled with cake, presents, and drinks in a certain green cup.

“it is hard work, but there is happiness in it.” – takayuki ikkaku et al.

hello lovelies.
remember that time when i was a blogger?
yeah well let’s continue that, shall we?
bear with me as i bring you up to speed.

right after i finished my student teaching, brad flew me down to arizona so i could spend some quality time with his children while he spent some quality time with his wife. the kiddos were still in school, so i basically kicked it with lando all day. not a bad setup, eh? i had a blast while i was down there.
favorite moments from that adventure:
sunday morning, 8:08 am. church had already started (props to me for only being 8 minutes late, especially since i haven’t woken up for 8:00 church in, well, forever.) i hate walking into the chapel and up to the front after church has started, so we walked in the back of the cultural hall. i had planned to find one of the last few rows back there for us to sit in. the children all filed into the row, with me counting them as they passed me. i was one short. i looked up to see koen sauntering up to the third row in the chapel, turn around and wave us all forward. i shook my head and beckoned him to come back. he shook his head, pointed to the row, and waved us all up again. i shook my head harder, and beckoned him to get his little heiny back to where we were. he did, and we made it through church, with only two of the five children laying on the wooden floor. #nailedit
i woke up one morning to koen banging on my door and yelling at me that it was time for me to get up. despite how rude i thought he was, i complied, only to find that it was 7:48. (we were supposed to leave by 8 or 8:15) i ran around like a chicken without a head, trying to wake people up and get them to please hurry move it or lose it. somehow everyone was awake, dressed, and in the car by 8:10. (braden was probably wearing the basketball shorts and t-shirt he wore the day before and to bed, but i didn’t really care.)

when i was finally reunited with my starving husband, it was time to get ready to graduate, which happened without any hiccups.
proof:
rylee tallulah carling, best friend
tayte paul campbell, husband, #1 fan
the parental unitsthelissa blackhurst, lovely eldest sister

this picture is epic. on the left is tennery norton, who roomed with the above thelissa while in college. the above parental units loved the name so much, they decided to name the girl on the right tenery. and we came together for this historic picture. nbd.
it was a hoot and a half.

the day after i graduated, we went to DISNEYLAND with one of tayte’s brothers, jaren, his wife, lindsey, and their 2.5 children, flint, hinkley, and baby in tummy.
meet the whole crew:

we were there for a week and had so much fun! tayte and i did our own thing for a couple days, then hung out with them for the other days. it was amazing. it’s been years since either of us had been to DISNEYLAND, so we really enjoyed it. we had park hopper passes, so we could go to california adventure as well. it was my first time going there, and i LOVED it.
favorite DISNEYLAND rides:
splash mountain and space mountain
favorite california adventure rides:
tower of terror and cars (tayte didn’t love cars, but he’s a grouch so it’s ok)
also screamin and the toy story ride.
flint always wanted to ride with me, and hinkley always rode with tayte.
proof that we went on rides and loved it:

you probably can’t even tell what is happening in those. that’s ok. there are lots of joyous faces. here are my two favoritest pictures:

first time riding cars, which i LOVED. i loved carsland. it was just adorable and very well done. but i love this picture because of my hair. it is epic, and it is awesome.

the only time we successfully posed on splash mountain. every other time, i chickened out or we forgot. can’t you just see the utter bliss on our faces?
oh wait.
you can’t.
that lady’s hand is completely covering my face and my arm is perfectly covering up tayte’s face. we couldn’t have planned this better if we had tried.
moral of the story: WE LOVED DISNEYLAND AND WISH WE WERE THERE ALL THE TIME. the end.
note: i did NOT get sunburned. booya.

for mother’s day, this happened:

his name is jarvis, and we love him. i’m taking a class to learn how to use him properly.

shortly after that, brigett flew to utah to run the ogden marathon. we went up to cheer her on. she did awesome!
proof:

i got FRIED that day. i got the worst farmer’s tan i’ve had in a long time, and i’m still trying to get rid of it! ugh.

then we did some hiking, because we’re outdoorsy like that. (this is stewart falls)


then this cute girl got home from her mission. i missed her so much and i’m so glad she’s back.


then we bought ourselves some new books. i’m obsessed with the book thief.


then we went rock climbing in a new place: maple canyon. it was super fun! also, i did my first lead climb! tayte was so proud.

then, charisse flew us down to arizona to babysit for her. here’s what a typical day looked like:
9:15 am: tenery wakes up and goes in to the kitchen to find something to eat. ellie and bella are already awake, so she asks what they want for breakfast. ellie requests 2 pieces of toast with nutella and milk. bella requests 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter with the crusts cut off and chocolate milk. tenery starts eating a bagel. bella informs tenery that she (tenery) forgot to cut her (bella) toast into squares like her mom usually does. tenery cuts the toast into squares.
9:38 am: tenery suggests that the girls work on their chores. they disappear into their room.
10:05 am: tayte wanders into the kitchen, turns on the world cup, and eats breakfast.
10:08 am: the girls go downstairs and ellie sets the timer so she can practice her piano attempt to teach bella to play twinkle, twinkle, little star.
10:45 am: tanner wanders into the kitchen and announces that he is off to work, then the gym. exit tanner.
11:30 am: tenery takes advantage of the fact that the girls are busy playing in their room to sneak some peanut butter oreos. world cup game half time, so tayte also takes an oreo break.
12:24 pm: tenery calls the little girls into the kitchen for lunch. ellie requests a corn dog, bella requests a peanut butter sandwich. ashley wanders into the kitchen, disoriented from her hibernation, and eats a bowl of cereal.
1:17 pm: reese’s peanut butter oreo break
1:34 pm: the farming game is pulled out.
1:49 pm: ashley asks if she can go hang out with friends. exit ashley.
2:30 pm: tenery (still in pajamas), asks tayte (also still in pajamas) if he’s interested in going swimming. after he agrees, she asks the little girls if they want to.
2:32 pm: swimming games have begun.
4:45 pm: time to get out of the pool. tenery tells the little girls to shower, then we’ll make dinner.
5:00 pm: ellie has decided that there is no scorpion in her shower, so it’s safe to get in.
5:30 pm: tenery goes into the kitchen to start making dinner. tayte soon follows and turns on the world cup.
5:32 pm: ellie enters the kitchen with her hair literally dripping wet. tenery dries it with some paper towels.
5:40 pm: bella enters kitchen wearing a towel and carrying a brush, detangling spray, and curls rock. tenery begins to brush hair. meanwhile, tayte and ellie make dinner.
5:54 pm: tenery finishes brushing bella’s hair and sends her back to get dressed.
6:00 pm: dinner.
6:30 pm: reese’s peanut butter oreos.
7:00 pm: the farming game.
8:00 pm: tenery and/or tayte goes to the store to buy laundry detergent reese’s peanut butter oreos and black raspberry dark chocolate chunk ice cream.
8:30 pm: the girls are sent to get their pajamas on and tenery takes advantage of their absence to sneak some ice cream.
8:45 pm: tanner and a friend (or two or 5) come in and eat some ice cream and oreos. they then head downstairs to play ping pong. the girls come back out and want to watch disney channel.
9:45 pm: tenery is tired of the disney channel and suggests a reese’s peanut butter oreo break.
10:00 pm: frozen.
11:15 pm: two sleeping girls are carried to their beds.
11:20 pm: reese’s peanut butter oreo break. tanner and co. come upstairs and he says they’re all going to a friend’s house to watch a movie. they all leave.
11:40 pm: ashley calls, needs a ride. exit tayte and/or tenery.
12:10 am: tayte and tenery decide that tanner is a big boy and that he’ll come home soon. they go to bed.
(note: lindsay was at EFY for most of the time we were there, which is why she doesn’t make an appearance in this schedule.)

wowzers. that was a lot of words. but i think we’re about to the present time, so let’s be done now, k?
kthanksbye.

“if you can read this, thank a teacher.” – anonymous

so there i was, doing my student teaching, trying to get the children to not talk to their neighbor while i was talking, planning lessons, trying to show them the wonder and beauty that math is, and all of a sudden…
it was over.
my last day was on friday, i had my official exit interview with my professor yesterday, and i am home free.
i graduate in a couple weeks, and i have no academic responsibilities until then.
i have my To-Do list for this week, but i’m almost done with it already.
but here’s the thing.
i already miss it.
i miss this school:

i miss this classroom, my home away from home:

i miss {most of} my students.
i miss them making fun of my 3D (and 2D) shapes and my multiple failed attempts to pull down that dang projector screen.
i miss the awkward moments in first period when i crack jokes and it’s too early for them to laugh.
i miss the constant happiness {aka nonstop talking} in fourth period.
i miss the kids that come in at lunch and tell me stories.
i miss working with this girl every day:

i miss all the laughs and good times we had.
i miss our mentor teacher, keith richards.
i miss his extremely dry sense of humor.
i miss the students telling me that they don’t think mr. richards likes them.
those students.
every day, they made me want to pull my hair out and yell, sometimes cry.
but they also made me laugh and incredibly happy.
i was nervous about student teaching because i had heard that a lot of people hated student teaching, that it was the worst experience.
for me, i don’t know if i can top it.
i absolutely loved it, and i would do it for the rest of the year if i could.
if i knew that i would teach those same kids every year until they graduated, i would be willing to stay in utah an extra year.
on our last day, some of the students made us a cake:

we obviously didn’t take a picture quick enough, but it was tasty :)
i really am gonna miss those hooligans.

and you know, i think they’ll miss me too.

“those that can’t do, teach. and those that can’t teach…teach gym.” – dewey finn (school of rock)

so i’ve started student teaching.
it’s a bit of a whirlwind.
my teaching isn’t all that great.
i come home exhausted every single day.
it’s so hard to wake up in the morning.
the children are crazy and sometimes frustrating.
some days it’s like this:

but i love it.
the students are so entertaining and make me laugh every day.
i have a great partner and i learn so much from her.
we were given an awesome mentor teacher who teaches us so much.
i don’t have homework when i get home.
life is great :)

“not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.” – brendan gill

yay for 2014!
it’s gonna be a great year because 2013 was a good year and 2014 is bound to be better!
we’ve set some resolutions* that will help us to be just a little better.
we’re pretty excited about what this year will bring.

in other news, here is a pretty good list of stuff that happened in the past few weeks:
school ended
finals (last ones forever for me)
hung christmas cards we received on our front door (including one from a local politician. i was hoping people would think that we knew everyone and that we were liked. i also wanted to hang the one that was sent to the wrong address, but tayte wouldn’t let me. rude)
christmas with the campbells (i missed my family so much, but i love my other family, and it was great to spend some time with them!)
got our grades (did a lot better than i thought i did! also tayte did well in his first semester of grad school! it was a close call though…but don’t tell him i said that)
read divergent (pretty good read. i got it for christmas. i was done the day after christmas. not a joke)
got a crapload of texts from my siblings
laughed so hard i cried over the blackhurst’s christmas letter
laughed so hard i cried over the blackhurst’s christmas letter from last year…that i read last year
saw ender’s game
broke one of our most favorite cups in the whole house
got some good music that we’ve listened to nonstop for a long time
donated plasma together (i was nervous for tayte—he can be a baby sometimes)
did a lot of crosswords
played a lot of citadels (best. game. ever.)
went through my phone contacts and found one named “NKMO’s Mom”**
played some other games and drank some bubbly to usher in the new year
slept in a lot

…i think that about covers it.
oh wait. this also happened:

deal with it.

i guess we’re pretty boring folks.
but here’s to an exciting new year full of great, exciting things!
huzzah!

*when i was a senior in high school, i was in ssl 2, meaning i was with a bunch of eighth graders (and asians, but we won’t get into that). my spanish teacher was nuts and a little bit of a pushover. when we came back to school in january, she declared “i made some new year’s resolutions that you guys will respect me more.” i don’t know what else she said because i stopped listening and started thinking about how she couldn’t make a resolution for me. resolutions aren’t supposed to be dictated or decided for you. fast forward 5 years to where my husband and i were making our resolutions. did i dictate/decide some of his resolutions for him? well yeah. i’m his wife. it’s my job.

**i have no idea who that is. i don’t even know who “NKMO” is. it’s spelled wrong too, so it’s probably a nickname. if you’re reading this and we have an inside joke about that, please fess up. it means i’m probably really good friends with your mom and she probably misses me. (i should probably also point out that i haven’t had a “ncmo” with anyone other than my husband [long story, don’t ask], so i can’t even imagine who this is, much less who their mother is.)

“a lot of people like snow. i find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.” – carl reiner

i should be working on my last couple assignments or be studying for finals or anything else that’s productive.
but this morning, as i was hitting the snooze button for the upteenth time, tayte kept hitting me and telling me to get out of bed.
he told me i could do it one more day (today is the last day of classes).
then it hit me: today is the last time i will go to class as an undergrad!
crazy, huh?
i literally never thought this day would come.
i almost quit school, but dad was right—i guess i will graduate someday.
you’re probably wondering how i can be so sure when i haven’t even taken finals yet, but don’t you fear—i’ve calculated my grades and i could get a 50 on my finals and still not have to retake any classes.
{besides, i only have 4 classes. this is what my finals week will look like:
stats test monday (i can have an 8.5x11 both-sided cheat sheet. aka don’t have to study)
meeting with my teacher for 10 minutes on wednesday (i have an assignment to do for that, but no test)
cryptography final due friday by 11 am (take-home = open note, open book. aka no studying)
and a music 101 test in the testing center that i can take anytime.
i’m going to crush next week.}
so i’m feeling pretty good right about now.
ok i should probably go work on those assignments now.
i already wasted the last 30 minutes on facebook and minesweeper.

wish me luck!

ps – if you don’t hear from me again, i wanted you to know that it’s not because i didn’t survive finals—it’s because i froze to death.

“the most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – e. e. cummings

as i sit here in the wilk, there’s a mom standing in front of me, bouncing her adorable baby girl.
the baby keeps looking over her mom’s shoulder at me and she has the biggest brown eyes.
she is adorable.
i felt like she was staring into my soul, reminding me that i hadn’t blogged in an incredibly long time.
so here goes.
first things first: thanksgiving.
tayte and i changed our minds a lot while trying to figure out how to get down there.
go with tayte’s parents and rent a car, go with hilary, andrew, and amy, drive ourselves with someone else, go with hilary & co., …
the following is a collection of our (mine and tayte’s) thoughts:
if we went with hilary, etc. we would leave tuesday afternoon and drive back sunday.
or we could drive by ourselves and leave tuesday morning.
or we could leave monday after classes.
or we could just leave monday morning.
if we’re gonna leave monday morning, we might as well leave saturday.
if we’re gonna leave saturday, we might as well leave friday after classes.
and if we leave friday after classes, we might want a cookie to go with it.
tayte really wanted to drive halfway and stay in vegas for a night, so that last option sounded perfect.
also my family thought we weren’t coming until “probably monday or tuesday,” and johnnnie had his eagle court of honor saturday afternoon.
this was all coming together beautifully.
we left friday morning right after tayte’s class got out and drove to vegas.
that night, we just walked around the strip, bought some drinks, ate some quizno’s…you know, the vegas usual.
it was a riot and a half.
here’s picture proof:

this is my favorite place. it’s so happy. plus it’s full of chocolate. plus…it’s just so so happy!

i also love this water show. it’s so peaceful and pretty cool.
 
so our carpet had this awkward red stain right next to the door. we hypothesized multiple scenarios that could have possibly resulted in that red stain.
for the sake of any children that may be reading this, i will refrain from recapping the scenarios.
what happens in vegas stays in vegas, i guess.
the next day we drove the rest of the way.
the weather was very rainy and chilly.
we stopped for gas and tayte could not get the gas cap off.
he tried and tried and made me try and neither of us could get it off.
finally, tayte just pried it off, breaking it in half in the process.
thankfully, the screw part was still in there, so he used a screwdriver to get that out, filled the tank with gas, and popped that screw part back in place.
i was sure we were gonna die.
later that night, we stopped by an auto parts store (that was randomly open late) and got a new one.
this was the part we had to pry out and snap back in:

what it should have been and what it was:


so we pulled up to stephanie’s house just as my parents were walking out to their car.
they were #totessurprised.
a lot of the womenfolk were surprised to see us, but a lot of the men just didn’t realize that we weren’t supposed to be there yet.
the next day was sunday, and after waking up late and showering rapidly, tayte asked me if i had packed his white shirt.
yeah we had his suit, his sunday shoes, but not his shirt.
so he wore the next best thing: his only collared, non-plaid shirt.
it didn’t button down all the way, so he couldn’t not wear a tie:

and the suit was definitely a must:

so here’s the finished product:

i didn’t think it was too shabby, and i didn’t think people would look close enough to even realize.
but as soon as sacrament meeting was over, reed leaned over and said
”did you need to borrow a white shirt?”
i guess people could tell.
oh well.
c’est la vie.
overall, thanksgiving was awesome.
we were very well taken care of, and we loved every minute of it!
it was so good to see my family and we were so glad we spent the extra money so that we could be there longer.

so here’s the thing.
tayte and i had a newest addition to our family.
key word: had.
it was very very short-lived.

do you see it?

that is literally a bug inside of that picture frame!
i’m pretty sure i killed it when i ran my finger over it to see if it would fly away.
unfortunately it will probably never fly away.

last update.
next week is the last week of classes, then finals then it’s over!
i am almost done with my last semester as an undergrad at byu!
i start student teaching in january and i finally have my assignment!
{that was a very much-anticipated email, let me tell you}
i’ll be student teaching with a partner, and i got paired with miss olivia payne, and i couldn’t be happier about it. (she’s awesome)
we’ll be student teaching at salem hills high with a teacher that i can’t remember.
it’s all coming together and it’s a little surreal, but it’s awesome!

so that’s us.
our lives are slowing down and everything is clicking into place.
except for all the white crapola outside…that is not acceptable.
the cold can go away as well.
i should probably stop and sit on my hands so that i start to feel them again.
hashtagit’ssocoldandiwantittogoawaybutthenijustsitinmyapartmentandlistentochristmasmusicanddrinkhotcholoateandeatcutiesandlifeisgood.
life is really good.