“hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.” –fulton j. sheen

yes that quote is for real.
but it’s not implying that i am in any way a nun.
nor that i’m considering being one.
(although i have considered starting a Mormon nunnery.
don’t worry though—that was back when i had lost faith in the male gender. have no fear, my faith has since been restored)
nor am i implying that this will be as painful as being stoned to death with popcorn. besides, i’d imagine that wouldn’t be too painful. at all.
nor am i implying that i would waste popcorn trying to stone someone.
i’m not big on wasting food.
or on stoning.
or on getting stoned.
but that’s not the point.
here’s the thing…
i have some confessions to make.
now i’ve kept them to myself for a while, not because i was ashamed of them.
heavens no.
i just hadn’t gone public with them all.
but here it goes…

confession #1
growing up, i always thought that people that drank caffeine were among the vilest of sinners. true story. i had a brother-in-law who would drink mt. dew on occasion, and every time he did, i never knew what to do, because i thought it was that bad. (i can’t really be trusted because i thought that eating drumsticks (the meat ones, not the ice cream ones) was bad too. why? oh because if you watch the animated living scripture videos, what are the bad people eating? drumsticks. every single time. go look it up.)
so i never drank caffeine growing up. i was introduced to different sodas while at college, but i didn’t really like them. i’m not big into drinking soda. it’s too fizzy and my tummy can’t hold it all. but one day, one of my favorite people in the universe took me to mcdonald’s. i didn’t know what to get to drink, and i hate making decisions, and i panicked, so i just got the same thing he got.
dr. pepper
so i was instantly hooked, and have been obsessed ever since.
you can ask anyone you want. (this includes roommates, the boys of 228, the people i work with, stephanie, ray, johnnie, katie, or lizzie.)
(i may or may not have introduced the johnsons kids to dr. pepper while i was babysitting them a few weeks ago. stephanie may or may not have a little upset by that. also—i may or may not get a little loopy when i have lots of dr. pepper.)

confession #2
remember my story about the time i went to mcdonald’s and was introduced to dr. pepper?
i should probably tell you about what i ate for the meal, because i’ve been obsessed about them ever since.
i don’t know how i never had one growing up, other than the fact that mom wasn’t too big on fast food, and whenever dad was babysitting, we always went to taco bell because we’re all part mexican.
but i got a big mac.
it was amazing.
yes i felt my arteries clog up, and i knew i was gonna die a premature death because of all the grease.
but it is so worth it.
i’m obsessed.
tasty.

confession #3
i’m also obsessed with this commercial.
i’m gonna go ahead and let it do all the talking.

confession #4
i’m also obsessed with this song.
you can ask the johnson kids.
it was played at least 4 times a day when i was babysitting them.
usually at least twice during any car ride, despite how long or short the drive was.

someday i’ll learn how to shuffle.
someday…

confession #5
so the other day, we had the
most. epic. rain/thunder/lightning/wind. storm. ever.
it was the best 10 minutes i’ve experienced in a long time.
ok that’s not entirely true.
but just go with it…

confession #6
cherry mango popsicles.
they are easily the best things in the entire world.
you probably don’t believe me.
i don’t like mangoes (unless they’re dried).
nor do i like cherries (at least not the bright red ones. i like the dark ones with the pit in the middle)
but these are the most amazing things on this planet.

confession #7
i have tried and tried and tried to tie a knot in a cherry stem.
like in my mouth. with my tongue.
but i failed.
ok i only tried twice.
but i still failed.
twice.
i came so close once, but it slipped out of it when i took it out to check.
rylee always makes fun of my weird tongue, so i’m gonna go ahead and blame it on that.
i know what you’re thinking.
about the myth that revolves around those who can tie a knot in a cherry stem and how that affects their skills.
you know.
ability to tie a knot in a cherry stem = good kisser.
i refuse to acknowledge that myth.
because at this point, it doesn’t really matter :)

ok this was more of a list of my recent obsessions.
whatever.
deal with it.
stay tuned for my schpeel about country music…