“grandma always made you feel she had been waiting to see just you all day and now the day was complete.” – marcy demaree

my siblings all chipped in to fly tayte and i home for christmas. we were able to spend two weeks in arizona and a week in utah. it was a blast, although we missed The Furball.

the sunday before we flew to utah (january 3rd), we visited grandma bonnie (mom’s mom) in the hospital. her health had been slowly declining over the past months, and she was in the hospital. she didn’t say much. as we visited with mary (mom’s sister), i sat there and just held her hand. she would squeeze my hand occasionally, and when we left, she thanked me for coming to see her. she told me she loved me.

two weeks ago this monday, i got a call from my dad, giving me an update on grandma bonnie. she had been in the hospital for quite a while at this point, and she had been through a roller coaster, health wise.

he was calling to let me know that she had made the decision that it was time for her to go Home.

he wasn’t sure how much longer she would last, but it could be quite a few days, and that i should start planning to come to arizona for the funeral. my mom was fairly confident that the funeral wouldn’t be for a couple weekends, but i had a feeling it would come a lot sooner than she was expecting. (on an unrelated note, i had to speak in church that upcoming sunday)

i was given the opportunity to talk to grandma on the phone one last time that night. i was able to tell her again how much i loved her and thank her for her amazing example and let her know how much i’d miss her. i got to hear her tell me she loved me one last time. i told her to give grandpa a big hug for me, and she reassured me that she definitely would.

as i hung up the phone, there were tears streaming down my face. tayte came and held me as i cried, and The Kitty just meowed for more food. we talked about how much of a blessing this was. she was in so much pain, and her sweetheart had been gone for so many years, but now she would be free—free to hug her parents, free to dance and laugh with grandpa, and free to get right back to work, sharing her testimony with those on the other side.

it was so fun to be in town for the FUNeral. it was basically a big party that lasted for 3 days straight. for the family reunion that was in november, i compiled a list of all of grandma’s posterity, and there are 253 of us and counting! and almost all of us were there. the funeral was a perfect commemoration of the woman that she was.

as i listened to all the different memories being shared, i kept thinking about all the ones i had with grandma. i kept getting the feeling that i should write them down before i forget, and i figured some others might want to read them. so here we go.

this is my own tribute to my grandmother, bonnie. (caution: it’s pretty really long.)

first and foremost, she was there. she was at my wedding, she was at my bridal shower, she was there when i went through the temple for the first time, she was there when i got baptized, and i’m pretty sure she was at 98% of my birthday parties growing up. it meant so much to me to have her there, supporting me, at all those important (and less important) events in my life. as time went by, it became harder for her to get out and go places, making her appearances that much more special.
and then there are the traditions that i wasn’t always excited about (#teenagers), but grew to love. memorial day, when she would share a few words, we would clean off a few headstones, and we would try to find all our family. then she would treat us to breakfast at JB’s. (note: this changed to golden corral, but i haven’t ever been in town since that change took place.)

also, every year we went caroling with grandma. she would make all these treats, and we would walk around her neighborhood, caroling and giving treats to her neighbors. she loved everyone, and she enjoyed serving them. then, after caroling was over, she would pull us into the house, one family at a time, and give us money. of course, once we got married, we were booted out of that system. (which still doesn’t make sense to me…)

there are also those random memories that will always make me laugh:
—while talking to her about getting her books so she could reteach herself math, she asked me how i like the “common core.” i told her my honest opinion: it’s not perfect and it has some advantages, but they tell me to teach it so i do. she looked me square in the face and said “that’s what the nazis said.”
—a year or so ago, i was visiting her, and the topic turned to me having children. she told me about one of her sisters that got married and started having kids right away and then suddenly wasn’t able to have anymore later in life. she said her sister was so grateful, because “you just never know…” #subtle
—i was eating lunch with her one day, back when i was probably 10, and she was asking me if there was anything i didn’t like. as any respectable 10-year-old, i didn’t like tomatoes, spinach, broccoli, peas, etc. she was so surprised and cut off my list with a “well! you just don’t like anything, do you?”
—my cousin stacie and i were driving with her one day (we were probably 12 or so), and we were just laughing at every little thing she said. she was probably so annoyed at us. she turned down one road because she thought the distance would be shorter and that we’d save some gas. as it turned out, we had to come all the way back and go a different way. as we were driving back, she muttered “well, we didn’t save any gas…”
—she came to visit us in puerto rico. we decided to drive somewhere, and one of the senior couples wanted to go with us. so bret and i drove one car, and grandma rode with them in the other. i realized that they were going to go one way, but that i knew another way. i can still remember the look on grandma’s face as we drove past them: absolute horror as she flipped her head violently back and forth. she was so concerned for our safety.

grandma’s house. for starters, i don’t think i walked into her house through the front door until i was at least 15. we always went in through the garage, to the back patio, and in the front door. i would always look to my right and see her backyard that stretched all the way to university. there was that ridiculously old swing set, with the rubber handles that had once been taped but were now just sticky. there were all her trees that we would pick fruit from. there was her big walk-in freezer that i was always afraid to get locked into.
once inside, you were in the Deer Head room. there were 3 deer heads on the back wall, and i was always a little scared to go back there by myself if it was dark. she kept the toys in that room. my favorite part was that door to the kitchen that whenever we played, had the top half open. that’s also the room where she kept her gong. if i’m not mistaken, that’s also where she had a picture of  john wayne. #heartthrob
there was the Back Back Room, now known as her Genealogy Room. it had her big computer and all the books and stuff. when i was younger, i saw a big, nasty cockroach, dead on the floor. i tried to never go back there ever again.
there was the kitchen, with the jar of ginger snaps. my dad would always take a few, but we never found out if they were crunchy because they were ginger snaps, or if they were crunchy because they were old.
there was her family room, with that high shelf that went all the way around that was filled with trinkets from her different travels. that’s where the Liahona was. this room was where she kept all the christmas cards and family pictures throughout the years. it was also in this room that i watched all the shirley temple movies, as well as the court jester and the kid from brooklyn. there was the globe, where every time we visited, we would give it a good spin and put our finger on it. wherever our finger was when the globe stopped was where we would serve our mission. … we got a lot of calls to preach the gospel to the sharks.
then there was the Doll Area. grandma collected dolls, and she had a big glass case of them. she also had quite a few American Girl dolls, complete with tons of accessories. i loved playing back there.
then there was her living room. her baby grand was there, along with that huge russian stacking doll that was missing the second-to-last piece because it got vacuumed up. during christmas time, that room was filled with nativities. i loved looking at them all.

grandma was also very thoughtful. she thought about us and what we liked and tried to give us gifts based on that. one year, bret got a drumset, i got a flute from china, and my mom got a coin purse.
there was another year that my mom opened her gift from grandma, and it was a tassel. and we had no idea what to do with it. but we knew she would come over later, so we had to put it out somewhere! someone suggested that we put it on the christmas tree, and i’m pretty sure it either ended up there or on the back of a chair. (note: you can use tassels to tie back drapes.)

there were six girl cousins all born in the same year, me being the youngest. grandma made us all matching dresses and we had our picture taken. that’s one of my fondest memories…even though rachel was so sick and i only have one picture where she isn’t making a sick face. …and even though grandpa told me i didn’t have to wear my socks if i didn’t want to, and when i didn’t, my mom got super upset at me.

whenever i went to visit grandma, i always tried to wear my hair down and curly, because she loved it. she would always tell me how beautiful my curly hair was. (now, this may seem like i had selfish motives. which i kinda did. anyone with curly hair knows that you’ll take all the compliments you can get.) she gave me one of her precious dolls that she thought looked like me, thanks to all the curls.

my favorite thing about this remarkable woman was that she loved me. she had 10 children, 10 in-laws, 64 other grandchildren, 123 (and counting) great-grandchildren, and so many more…but she always took the time (sometimes it was 30 seconds, sometimes it was 30 minutes), to talk to me. to ask me how i was doing, to tell me she was glad to see me, to tell me that she loved me. amidst all the chaos of having an enormous family, i never once felt lost in a crowd. i knew i was so important to her (even though i apparently hated everything she grew in her garden).

this woman led an incredible life. she made lots of caramel, served lots of people, and touched lots of lives. i am so grateful that my life was one of those. she left behind an amazing legacy of hard work, love, family, service, living the Gospel, and enduring to the end. i hope to one day be at least half the woman that she was.

i love you, grandma. #missingthebun